Building Eros
What turns you on?
What creates arousal in you?
What are you really attracted to?
It is more edgy to think about what we strongly, deeply desire than what just brings us joy and fun yet this is one of the main things we source from our media. Media is saturated with desire – presenting it in evocative ways to lure our senses based on the chances we will follow.
Getting on the front foot of our desires – recognising and knowing more about what they are can be much more satisfying and gratifying then continually being lured and baited.
We can turn the tables however, and use media to help us identify and recognise what we like. A fun 5 minute activity is to browse and scroll your favourite media but now you are screening it instead of it screening you! It’s designed for honing in on your likes and desires. You can use this information and take the initiative to more actively pursue it. For example I was recently seduced by the ads of a boot company! They made really well crafted leather boots oozing rustic quality and style. My clicks and browsing time was registered of course and pretty soon I was seeing them everywhere. Catching this and honing in on my desire it reminded me how much I admire and value rustic quality – how the wearing of time reveals it’s character and reliability. Realising this helped me slow down, simplify, take time to appreciate and do things well. The desire for the boots fell away – I realised they were just another expensive item I didn’t really need and would add to my clutter.
When we know more about what we really LIKE we are in a better position to think about how we can create more of it in our lives. Curiously, this can be edgy to think about. It challenges us to have more agency in creating lusciousness in our lives. Our modern culture and media support us to stay on the back foot – passively waiting for the next carrot to be marketed.
If you give yourself a moment to feel past the discomfort and really imagine what might be possible for you pretty soon you will feel more alive and thoughts like: Why not? What if.. How about..? Actually I/we could - will start to come to you.
If you’ve done the 5 minute Favourite Media Scrolling activity above you can use this information: allow yourself to develop a fantasy incorporating these qualities and aspects you have discovered. Notice the differences in how your body feels and how energy is moving through your body. There is nothing more you need to do – simply spend time enjoying and savouring this experience and feel free to wonder about possibilities.
I recently worked with a middle aged woman who had developed several frustrations with her long-term marriage including their sexual and erotic life. She was used to focussing on these areas lacking in her relationship but as I enquired about her own journey with exquisite pleasure she revealed she sometimes felt this during walks in nature. Now and again she liked to get up and experience the earliest part of the day before others were stirring. She revelled in the crispy newness of the air, the fresh smells and glistening light. It often filled her with a sense of wonder and marvelling delight. I encouraged her to embrace this more often, step past the habitual thoughts and excuses not to, and see it as a special gift she could give herself regularly. A month later she was quite transformed and connected to her vitality. It had also freed her mindset and she had found some enticing ways to improve her erotic life with her partner.
Building Eros is not only pleasurable, it’s critical to our health and well being! In a day and age where we are swarmed by demands and distractions luring us away from ourselves we need powerful tools to access our life force and energy. Eros is our life force. What we are drawn to and find erotic informs us about our life force and energy.
Often we get stuck – either fixated on a narrow range of erotic stimulation and satisfaction or dried up or bored thinking for many reasons we can’t access it anymore. For many of us it starts with our relationship to our bodies. I will discuss this more next month.