You’re too much! You’re not enough!

I think most of our emotional wounds and fears in relationship revolve around feeling or being told either of these. It’s inevitable in any relationship we will at times be too much and also not enough. 

And at times we are enough and not too much…just right ;) Trying to fit into the bandwidth of ‘just right’ for our lover can be driven by wanting to please them, be their rising sun, and the fear of losing them if we are not. However, this is demanding and hard to maintain overtime. Inevitably we have our bad hair days, get stressed and tired - times where we are less able to be on our game. It’s precarious and brittle and starts to get munched up around the edges.

Our insecurities and fears are fed and grow around these munched up edges. Over time in a relationship they build up – we compensate for them; hide them; rationalise and defend them; harden up around them; resent our lover for exposing them etc.

We loose our edge, give up on it, become frayed and dowdy around it.

Wouldn’t it be good if we could accept sometimes we’re too much; sometimes we’re not enough; and sometimes we are just right!

Wouldn’t it be good if our lover could accept sometimes we’re too much; sometimes we’re not enough; and sometimes we are just right!

 Imagine, in a heart to heart with your lover you are able to say to them “you are too much for me in this way right now”, or “you are not enough for me in this way right now”.

Imagine it’s not cruel…that you’re able to express yourself in a loving and authentic way, where they can feel the truth of what you’re saying and are able to stay heartful with you and themselves in this moment with you. 

This is true love and the practice of it builds your bandwidth of just right, builds your love, builds your capacity to love and be loved, builds your capacity to love and accept yourself, builds your resilience in other relationships, and builds the container – the holy grail – of your relationship.